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School Hard/Script
Lee: "I got a year of detention for a prank I didn't even commit, and I've been busting my butt trying to track down who set me up ever since! After lots of dead ends, Radcircles dropped his phone behind, and I got ahold of it." of the dead ends and the phone are shown. "Problem is, it locked up on me right after finding out it activated the whole prank on day one. But something else paid off. I met the man who hypnotized Cam at my tenth birthday party. The Amazing Finnwich. And he and Principal Barrage happen to be pretty chummy. Could Barrage be Radcircles? Or is he just working with them? Time to find out." ---- Detentionaire ---- 5:00:38 PM Lee: "At 4:15, detention gets out. But that was so forty-five minutes ago. Right now, I'm just trying to stay alive!" is with a group of students that are barricading themselves in the library. Lee: "Hurry up or they'll–" cleaner's hand pushes through one of the windows on the door. "Break through!" backs up and joins the huddled group. Several arms are now poking through. Two of them bring their ray guns up and fire at the students, who scream in terror. ---- Earlier that day...4:04 PM Peg and Mrs. Rumplekittykat are sleeping while Lee practices flicking rolled up balls of paper around the room. One of them hits the cat, who wakes up. Lee: "Sorry Rumplekitty." turns to Biffy. "So, crack Radcircles' phone yet?" Biffy: snippy "Not since two minutes ago, but keep asking me! It's so helpful!" flicks another rolled up piece of paper at Mrs. Rumplekittykat. The cat is ready for this one, and bats it out of the air with a gleeful smile. Lee: smiling "Hey, Holger was saying you and Kimmie were at the fair. Together. What's up with that?" Biffy: "Kimmie? No way! Me and that bedazzling snob hanging out? As if! Pfft! Ha ha, don't–make me laugh!" Lee: "Right. So you're–into her?" hits another ball of paper at the cat, who swats it back into Lee's lap. Biffy: "Aw, point Kittykat! Look, do you want me to hack this or not?" Lee: "Uh, yeah, sorry. You and Kimmie, totally not in love, got it." flicks another ball of paper. This one lands in the sleeping teacher's mouth, where he chokes and then swallows it. Lee and Biffy laugh. Biffy: "That was good." Lee: the same time "But, if you guys do get married, I'm totally invited, right?" growls in response. ---- student council is engaged in a heated argument over something. The only one not arguing is Cam, who has his headphones on. He looks at the clock and decides to slip in a nap, but he is rudely stopped by Beth. Beth: as she speaks "So Mister President, what do you think about that?" Camillio: his face "Oh! Um, well, as president, I say sounds awesome, yo! How about we cut out like ten minutes early and weekend it up, homsies and homses! El Presidente out–" opens the door for Barrage, who runs over him. "Ow!" Principal General Barrage: "Listen up, popcorn heads! Superintendent Blompkins is planning an inspection Monday! Make no mistake. This school will be ready! I'm bringing in every hazmat at my disposal for serious cleanup. VP! Tell the teachers, they need to teach twice as hard next week!" Vice Principal Victoria: it down "Check." Principal General Barrage: "Student council! I don't care if it takes you all weekend, you will put together a stunning presentation to show Blompkins how we do things at A. Nigma! Is everybody clear?" sad "'Cause if we don't pass this inspection, my goose is cooked!" up a picture "And I love that goose. He saved my life in Zanzibar back in '03!" normally "Okay, people! Let's go, go, go!" Camillio: "Uh, some of us had like uh, weekend plans and stuff?" principal turns to the student council president and growls at him. Vice Principal Victoria: "Now now, Principal Barrage. The students and the faculty will stay late and do what they can." Principal General Barrage: "We need to do better than that! This school has to be perfectly, spotlessly, sanitized!" Vice Principal Victoria: "And it will be." him a bag "Here. Take your frustrations out on this jerky." principal takes a piece and sniffs it. "It's got real turkey jerky flavoring with just a hint of apple. Try some, you'll like it." principal takes a bite. "Now, about cleanup. Didn't those new cleaning items come in? We could use them." a slight emphasis "Don't you agree, Mister Principal?" Principal General Barrage: dully "A gree." ---- is filming a segment for the news where Tina interviews Brad. Tina: "Brad, thanks for staying so late after school to do the interview." Brad: "The pleasure's all mine, Tina." grins at him for a few seconds until Stepak clears his throat loudly a couple of times. Tina: out of her trance "So, in your dad's next movie, is it true you have a small part?" Brad: "Yeah, but it wasn't exactly a small role." Tina: "Sorry, I didn't mean–let's roll the trailer?" trailer for a movie begins playing. Narrator: "This summer, Ace Von Chillstein is back, as the Secret Service agent who never plays by the rules. Except when he does." Ace creates a poker hand of five aces. "Because he doesn't even play by his own rules." couple of rockets come down on a presidential press conference. Ace: at Brad "Someone get the president's son to safety!" ninjas drop from the sky, and he removes his sunglasses. "I'll take care of this." follows is a montage of Ace beating up ninjas and riding a shark into an orca–both of which explode upon colliding. Narrator: "Ace Von Chillstein is Brick McSlam, in–" lights a match with his stubble and uses it to light a fuse. "Brick McSlam 5: No One Explodes for Free." row of tanks explode behind the actor as he calmly walks away. Tina: impressed "Wow, the President's son? That is a pretty big part!" Brad: "My dad says there are no small parts, only small actors." Tina: "Do you think in the future, you might want to do more...realistic movies?" Brad: "What do you mean? My dad does all his own stunts. It's totally real!" Tina: "Jumping a whale while riding a shark doesn't just...happen." Brad: "Um, I was there when he did it." Tina: "Yeah, but it was a movie stunt, it wasn't real, real people can't–" Brad: "Tina, I hate to break it to ya, but my dad's real." chuckles. "I just had breakfast with him this morning!" looks at the camera blankly, now unsure which one of them is correct. ---- principal has a line of hazmats under his command. Principal General Barrage: "That lousy Blompkins thinks he can come into my school, my school?" out a suitcase "We'll just see what Mister Pinky-Plinky Pencil Pusher thinks of a school so clean, you could eat off it!" up a ray gun "Boys, the brand new cleaning gear is in! Lock, load, and sanitize!" scans the room and sees a spider skittering on the floor. He fires, and soon the spider is frozen in a green crystal. "Take that, eight-legged vermin!" ---- is still practicing his paper flicks. Suddenly, a ringing tone is heard. Biffy: "Dude, I think I might've just cracked it. Who da man!" power goes out. "Uh that was not supposed to happen." around the school, lights go out, and the school goes into complete lockdown. Suddenly, sparks are emitted from Barrage's cleaner army, and they freeze in their tracks. Principal General Barrage: "Great, just what I need. A power malfunction! Ooh, I'll see to this. You boys sanitize the school! That's an order, got it?" tandem, the chest plates on the cleaners blink and emit a strange sound. The lights come back on and then almost immediately shut off. Once again, the hazmats emit sparks. Vice Principal Victoria: Barrage "Principal Barrage! What happened to the power? And oh, my, you look positively frazzled." Principal General Barrage: "It's Blompkins. He makes me crazy! And now this!" takes a big bite of jerky. "C'mon! To the generators! Double time!" principal tosses the empty bag away, and the cleaners freeze it in midair. The crystal drops to the floor. ---- is still interviewing Brad. Tina: "Yeah, but there doesn't need to be an explosion every minute for it to be a good movie." Brad: "That's why this movie has an explosion every twenty seconds. Pretty cool, huh?" lights go out. Tina: "Huh? Stepak, check the fuse box." ---- is walking down the hall, singing to himself. Camillio: singing "And your eyes blue, like the sky–" power cuts out. "Hmm, whoa. Que pasa, homes?" shadowy figure runs past behind him. "Anyone there?" shrugs and continues walking. The figure creeps up behind him. Cam reaches a vending machine and puts a coin in, but senses that something is amiss and turns around. The figure is next to him. Camillio: strangled "Ay!" Lynch: surprised "Ah!" shadows part, revealing he was the figure. "Oh. Hey there. I needed a break too. Being secretary is murder on the old arthritis." Camillio: "Arthritis is for old people, ese. Yo, machine! Gimme back my coinage!" bangs on it. Lynch: "Don't worry there, padre. I always keep some extra-cool refreshing Splat on me." pulls a can from his backpack, and Cam gasps excitedly. "They say it's the splattiest." Camillio: excited "Yeah yeah. I know. Gimme." opens the can, and both he and Lynch take a shower. "Sorry. Hee hee." the duo are confronted by a hazmat. It points its gun at them and fires. Lynch ends up frozen. Lynch: surprised "Say, what's the big idea?" janitor turns to Cam. Camillio: his eyes "Hel-''lo,'' school prez. You can't just–" cleaner fires, barely missing Cam's head and hitting the vending machine instead. Cam screams and hides behind Lynch. Camillio: "Okay, I guess you can." laughs nervously and runs away. "Prez out!" cleaner gives chase. Lynch is left crystalized by the vending machine. ---- is getting a drink from the cafeteria. Holger: singing "Vhere vere you being when zhe lights went out. In ze dark. Ze dark! So now you can't see I be stealing your trout. In ze dark. In ze da-ark." cleaner kicks the door open, and Holger instinctively backs up. He bumps into a pot of soup and spills it all over himself and the lunch lady. Ruthie: unimpressed "Smooth move." cleaners raise their guns and fire, freezing Holger and the lunch lady in crystal. Holger: "Mmm. Crystal is like hot spa rocks in home country. Make skin soft and supple!" singing "In zhe dark. The da-ark!" lunch lady groans. ---- and Lee are still in detention. Biffy: "Seriously, did the phone do that?" door clangs open. Three cleaners have arrived. Lee and Biffy put their hands up. Lee: "It wasn't us. Uh, power coming on anytime soon?" cat meows. This cues the hazmats to fire on everything in the cat's immediate vicinity, and they crystalize most of Lee's paper balls. The cat narrowly avoids the same fate by leaping out of the way. The janitors then fire on Lee and Biffy. Lee ducks behind a desk, while Biffy uses two desks as shields. Suddenly, a spooked Mrs. Rumplekittykat leaps directly in the way of a crystal bolt. Biffy: scared "Rumplekittykat!" falls to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" cry of anguish echoes through the school. ---- cleaners are still taking aim at Biffy and Lee. Suddenly, Niles Peg lets out a cough, and the hazmats focus their attention on him. Lee and Biffy take this opportunity to grab the cat and scram. Lee: "What's with those guys?" Biffy: panicking "Talk to me Rumps!" cat licks the crystal and meows. The trio reaches the front doors but finds them locked. Lee: "We're locked in!" cleaners approach them again. Biffy and Lee run down the hall, and Lee pulls Biffy into an empty classroom. He shuts the door, and the hazmats run by. Lee: "We gotta tell Barrage his cleaners have gone nuts!" Biffy: "He probably told them to do this!" Lee: "Wait. Cam's with the Student Council! Maybe they'll be able to fix this." throws the door open. "C'mon!" runs out into the hall. ---- students head up to the principal's office. Tina: on the door "Principal Barrage! The power's out!" Brad: "And the doors are all locked. Which usually means, an enemy takeover." is sitting in his office and staring at his monitors, which are blaring red light at him. Tina: "Brad there's no enemy takeover this is real life, not a movie." Camillio: "Aah!" runs up to them. Tina: "Cam? Why are you here so late?" Camillio: breathless "'Cause there's a gadapus, and a fikayapukayappa!" Brad: "Mister President, slow down. Just tap twice if it's an enemy takeover!" slowly stomps the ground twice. Tina groans. Tina: Cam "What did you do?" Camillio: "Nothing! I swear, I just–" beam slams into Stepak, and he gets encased in crystal. Stepak: "Yeeowch! Uh guys? Little help?" Brad: "Someone get the president to safety! I'll take care of this." Tina: "Hey, isn't that a line from–" Camillio: "Oh come on, it's not like it's not the greatest idea ever." Brad: "My dad might've saved the president's son, but I'm here to save the president. Bring it on!" beam narrowly misses Brad and slams into the doorframe, where a shard of crystal grows. Tina: "C'mon, Brad, this isn't a movie! These guys mean business!" three run away, leaving the cameraman behind. Stepak: after them "Hey! What about me?" Tina: back "We'll come back for you!" Stepak: after them "In movies that always means I'm a goner!" Tina: frustrated "Uggh! It's not a movie!" ---- and Biffy have arrived in the Student Council's meeting room. Lee: "But you're the council! Ya gotta do something." Beth: sarcastic "I'm so sure the cleaners have gone crazy and are entombing people in crystal." Biffy: "So whadda you call this?" holds up his cat. Nadine: "Adorable?" opens the door. He looks around the room nervously. Camillio: "Oh hey, uh, nobody be alarmed, but we are totallytrappedinthisschoolandthecleanerdudeshavegonelocoandareentombingpeopleincrystal!" Lee: "See?" pausing a second to reflect, the Student Council begins panicking and running around the room madly. Tina and Brad enter the madness. Lee: her "Tina!" Tina: "Lee." Brad: "No need to fear, Brad Von Chillstein is here." grins. The Student Council immediately voices their thanks at being saved. Brad: "Alright, listen up." walks to the center of the room. "We've got a situation here." Lee: "Totally! And we need to–" Brad: "Totally save the president! The rest of you are expendable." Beth: "Hooray!" Stinky: "Yay!" Nadine: shocked "What?" Tina: "Brad, this isn't a movie, it's real–" Brad: "Real important we all know our characters." to Biffy "You're obviously the muscle." points at Biffy's cat. "With a secret heart of gold." Tech Nerd: "Oh, oh! Do me! Do me next!" Brad: "Tech nerd. Gadget it up, bro!" at Nadine "Voice of reason!" Stinky "Comic relief!" Beth "The annoying one." LaGreenor "Unknown nobody. You'll be the first to rkkkkkt." draws his finger across his throat before moving on to Tina. "Brains and beauty, lethal combination." Tina: "Well, I–" flattered "Really?" snaps his fingers and points at Lee. Lee: sighing "I'm next, aren't I." Brad: "Spoken like a true bad boy seeking redemption. Usually sacrifices himself at the climax." Lee: glaring "Perfect. Now, seriously." Brad: "Slow down! Plan A is drilling down to the planet's core and surfacing outside. Gadget guy, how's that drill coming along?" tech nerd shrugs. "Okay. Since we don't have nuclear-powered high seating capacity drill–way to go, by the way–we're gonna have to McSlam our way through the baddies. Leave that part to me." Lee: sarcastic "Okay, great idea. Here's another one. I know a way out. There's a secret passageway in the library." Tech Nerd: "Nah. Kicky-punchy!" Biffy: "Do you wanna end up like this?" holds his cat out for inspection. Nadine: "Still adorable." Tina: "Brad, just in case you can't defeat everyone, should we try Lee's plan?" mulls it over and then heads for the door. Brad: "I can't argue with brains and beauty. You heard the little lady. Let's roll, peeps." students file out the door. Brad stops Lee just before he leaves. Brad: "You know the hero gets the girl, right?" exits. Suddenly, he turns around to face Lee again. Brad: "And just so we're clear, the hero, is me." ---- and the lunch lady are still trapped in the darkened cafeteria. Holger: singing "A twenty-five thousand two hundred and thirty-one bowl of fried nikselnorf on ze ceiling, twenty-five thousand two hundred and thirty-one bowl! If one should happen to go kafloofashoop, that would be, that would be how many bowl?" Ruthie: "Kill me now. Please." ---- cleaners crystalize a discarded can of Green Apple Splat. The group peers out at them from behind a corner. Brad: "Gang. Get ready to take them down." Tech Nerd: "Yeah. Downtown." chuckles. Stinky: "Like a clown! See how that rhymes?" janitors decide that they're finished and move on. Brad: "Heart of gold, circle round back, grab the weapon and crystalizer it up. Me and first-to-buy-it will hit 'em from the front. McSlam style!" Biffy: "Yeah, I won't be doing any of that." Lee: "Or we could go down that empty hall that leads right to the library." Beth: "Sounds stupid. Brad's idea's better." Brad: "Wait. Bad boy's got a point. They'd never suspect the old sneak-past." Tech Nerd: "Wowee. Good idea Brad." Stinky: "Yeah, what he said!" sighs. As one, everyone but Lee and Tina head down the empty hallway. Tina: Lee "Good thing you're here." follows the group. Lee smiles and joins her. ---- Holger: hopping "No! No! Please! I was only the singing!" is being chased by an irate lunch lady. Ruthie: "Only singing! You call that singing? No one ever lets me sing, but here you are singing away. La-da-de-da-die-da-da! And it sounds awful!" Holger: touched "Oh. Holger sorry. But, for really? No vun? Ever lets you sing?" Ruthie: "Nah. Cau-I guess it 'cause it all sounds like this." flatly "La la la la la oh la." Holger: "That is most beautiful sound Holger ever let slide into hearing holes!" Ruthie: "Really?" nods. Ruthie smiles, Holger and Ruthie: singing "In the darrrrrrkkkkk!" ---- group has gotten into the library. However, renovations have covered up the passage. Beth: taunting "So where's the secret passage, bad boy?" Lee: "They–sealed it off or something." Brad: "Bad boy led us down the wrong path. It's what he was supposed to do! And if this was one of my dad's movies, the villains would arrive in three...two..." the sound of cleaners can be heard. Tech Nerd: "Wow. You know everything." Lee: "Quick. Barricade the door." Nadine: "We're supposed to listen to you now? Who died and made you president?" Camillio: "Uh, president right here, totally still alive, fyi." Biffy: "Quit arguing and help!" shoves the group towards the doors. They begin stacking furniture against them as a barricade. Lee: "Hurry up or they'll–" janitor shoves its arm through the window. "–break through!" backs up and joins the rest of the group as six arms push through the windows on the door. A pair of them raise guns and fire. ---- Lee: "Everybody duck!" group ducks. The slowest one is LaGreenor, who gets caught in the blast. Brad: joyful "Toldja! Ah, first to go!" hazmats break down the barricade and storm into the library. Lee: "Run!" students scatter. The cleaners split up as well and begin firing at them. Beth: caught "No fair!" is the next to get caught. Stinky: laughing "Being crystal tickles." and Cam continue to run. Brad: a table "In here." and Cam join him as a pair of cleaners rush past. "Brains and beauty, you keep an eye on the president. It's McSlammin' time!" his own theme music "Dadadadadada do do. Dadadadadada do do." runs off. Tina: "No, Brad, wait!" Camillio: "Let's focus on keeping the president alive, okay, you know he'dve wanted it that way." crystal blasts rip through the library as Nadine and the tech nerd run through the stacks. Nadine: "F-faster, shorty!" Tech Nerd: stopping "Hey, I haven't had my growth spurt yet." slams into the boy, and they tumble into a meeting room. The door whizzes shut behind them, and the cleaners do not notice, instead giving up when they can't figure out where their quarry went. They run past Lee and Biffy, who are hiding behind a bookcase. Lee: "This isn't going good." Biffy: "Aw gee, ya think?" gun gets pointed at them through a bookcase. "Gah!" shoves the barrel of the gun and sends the bookcase tumbling over. This creates a domino effect, as the bookcase tumbles into another bookcase which tumbles into other bookcases, knocking down much of the library. One of the janitors is crushed by the bookcases, and the detentionaires look down at it as it spits sparks. Lee and Biffy: "Robots?" one of the hazmats points its ray gun at the president. Brad: "Look out!" and Tina notice the cleaner. "It's McSlammin' time!" inadvertently kicks a book cart. "Huh?" cart rolls forward and runs into the cleaner, picking it up. Eventually, the cart slams into a bookcase, and the hazmat shorts out. Tina and Cam walk over to the action hero. Tina: "Wow. How'd you do that?" cleaner points its gun at them. Camillio: "Yo, ese, look out!" Tina: scared "Brad!" Lee: "Leave them alone!" swings a pole at the hazmat and decapitates it. Tina: shocked "What are you doing! You can't just knock people's heads off!" Lee: "It's okay, it's not real, look they're all robots." picks up the head, revealing it to be machinery. Camillio: bluffing "I knew it all the time, yo!" Brad: "Guys, I'm gonna go out on a limb here: we might be dealing with robots." Biffy: sarcastic "Great! Now that we're all on the same page, let's get out of here before more show up–" gets blasted. Lee: "No!" runs away. Biffy: angry "Oh–this is just–perfect!" Brad: melodramatic "No!" to his knees "They got heart of gold!" and Lee run up to try and drag Brad away. Tina: "C'mon!" Brad: normally "Wait, we need a bit more passion. Do we have time for another take?" Tina: "Lee, please, do something!" rolls his eyes but turns to Brad. Lee: "Remember our mission. Save the president." Camillio: "Totally. I'm like mucho important, man." Brad: up "Let's roll." begins singing his own theme music again. "Do, dododo, dodo do do–" group of four makes a break for it. Five cleaners chase after them. Brad: Lee "So, how do you plan on sacrificing yourself to save us all?" Lee: "I'm not. But, ever get something electronic wet? They're robots! We gotta get 'em in the pool!" Brad: "Love it. Okay peeps, pool party it is." group runs into the pool room. The cleaners arrive shortly behind them, but the group is nowhere to be found. The lead cleaner turns on a scanner in its head. Tina: "Yoo-hoo, over here boys." cleaners spot Tina by the pool and fire on her. She holds up a surfboard to catch the crystal rays and then tosses it away. Lee: "Charge!" and Brad charge the cleaners with a pool skimmer and knock them all into the water. Camillio: behind a bench "Yes!" cleaners float in the pool, unharmed. Lee: "Wait. They're not short-circuiting." Tina: "We need to grab one of those crystalizer thingies!" reaches for one and falls into the pool. Lee: "Tina!" grabs a crystalizer, but the cleaners are fast approaching. She does her best to swim with one arm. Brad: "We gotta get her outta there! But wait. I had a bag of chips an hour ago. Oh well. Duty calls." leaps into the water. He quickly swims past the hazmats, gets to Tina, and pulls her towards shore, where Lee is waiting. Tina: Lee the ray gun "Just take this, and nail 'em!" reaches down and helps Tina and Brad out of the pool. However, in doing so, he drops the gun into the pool, and it begins bobbing away from him and towards the cleaners. Lee leaps in after it. Tina: "Nooo!" holds her back. Brad: "Final sacrifice!" grabs the gun and takes aim. Tina: "Don't shoot while you're in there, Lee! You'll get stuck too!" Camillio: up "I wanna freeze 'em, gimme gimme!" tosses the gun to Camillio. He tries to exit the pool, but his right ankle is gripped by a hazmat. Lee: "Now!" fires. The cleaners crystalize, and the crystal spreads along the arm gripping Lee's ankle. However, Lee shakes free just in time, and he manages to avoid being crystalized. Lee: amazed "Cam! You did it! Guys, we–" Brad: Tina "Now do you believe that what the Von Chillsteins do is real? Try to tell me this is a movie stunt." kisses her on the lips. "Roll credits." stares at them, shocked. Brad walks up to him. "Told you I was the hero." power comes back on. Seconds later, the vice principal walks into the pool room. Vice Principal Victoria: "What is going on here?" Tina: "That's what we'd like to know." crystalized cleaners let out an electronic moan. The vice principal gasps as she sees them. The principal enters the room. Vice Principal Victoria: scandalized "General Principal Barrage, your robot cleaners have run amok! I say you deactivate them immediately." principal takes a bite of jerky. "Don't you agree, Mister Principal?" Principal General Barrage: dully "A greed. They might need a little fine tuning. The power surge must've–somehow–fine." normally "I'll get rid of 'em. For now." principal walks forward and takes the ray gun from Cam. He flips a switch on it and then fires at the cleaners. The crystal shards break off of them, and they exit the pool. Principal General Barrage: the cleaners "You will unsanitize every last student, and then commence shutdown sequence!" sadly "Then I'll get to the bottom of what your major malfunction is!" cleaners exit the room, tailed by Barrage. The vice principal is the next to leave, and Tina smiles at Lee, glad that they were successful. Lee does not return the smile, though, and Tina's smile turns into a frown. ---- is having fun with his decrystalized cat while on a video chat with Lee. Biffy: "Who's so cute it should be illegal? Huh?" Lee: "So do you think the phone caused everything today? Or did Barrage?" Biffy: "I got my money on Barrage. So Brad really kissed Tina? Woo!" his cat "Say goodnight to the guy that lost the girl, Rumps." frowns. "Aw c'mon! Buck up, chum! I'll work on the phone, that'll make you feel better, right?" Lee: "Yeah, maybe. Thanks Biff." signs off. "So the phone triggered the prank. Does it control Barrage's army too? Are they–malfunctioning, or are they doing exactly what he wants?" Holger: in a new video chat window "Lee is herohogen when the lights went out, in the dark. In the da-ark!" happy "Nighty-night, Leemiester." Lee: "Heh. Goodnight Holg."